:: i have been praying about and working towards law school for the fall.
:: i was accepted into florida coastal, but it is SUPER EXPENSIVE.
:: my housing option that would make that somewhat affordable has fallen through.
:: i have been put on a wait list for fsu, and will find out if i am in anywhere from monday to august 24 (5 days before classes start!)
:: i have to put a nonrefundable $400 deposit for my spot at florida coastal down by june 15.
so there you go. i am trying not to freak out, but not doing a very good job at it. would you mind praying for me? i am feeling the need for clarity, wisdom, and peace, and finding those things very hard to find.
BLARG.
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
I am a big 'ol nerd.
And I am ok with it.
One of the ways my nerdiness manifests itself is through listening to podcasts. And I listen to a LOT of podcasts. I love it! I've got some British humor (The Bugle and The Ricky Gervais Podcast), some politics (NPR: It's All Politics and Meet the Press), some economics (Freakonomics and NPR: Planet Money), some culture (Relevant Podcast and NPR: All Songs Considered), some religion (Tony Campolo Podcast and On Being with Krista Tippett [Relevant fits here too]), and even some general miscellany (Stuff You Should Know, This American Life, WNYC's Radiolab, and The Moth). I even listen to debates (Intelligence Squared UK and Intelligence Squared US)! And they are all amazing!
(Before you worry that I spend all of my time glued to my iPod, I pick and choose episodes of a few of these. I do have a life. Unfortunately.)
So today I was listening to On Being with Krista Tippett (formerly Speaking of Faith, for all of my fellow NPR nerds out there) and she was conducting an interview with Civil Rights leader Dr. Vincent Harding. The title of the show was "Civility, History, and Hope", which immediately intrigued me because this is something that I have been really concerned about in this current political climate. It is really sad to me to see people who claim to be followers of Christ who are so vitriolic and spew such hatred for our elected leaders. I get not being happy with what is happening. I get wanting someone to not hold an office. I get even passionately opposing someone's views. But what I do not get is the rage and the personal attacks against individuals, specifically the President. I am living at the moment in a bastion of conservatism, so I hear a lot of flat out crazy and mean things. Stuff I would never ever allow a kid in my classroom to say about another kid, so why should we be saying it about the President? Last time I read through the red letters in the Bible, Jesus never bashed the authorities (who he KNEW WERE GOING TO KILL HIM) or compared anyone to Hitler. If you are so mad about it, pray pray pray for him, not just at him. It is amazing how God softens your heart when you pray for someone.
Wow, did not mean to go on a rant there. Sorry!
Anyway, this episode was great. If you have some free time, or need something to listen to while you drive, this is a worthy download. Dr. Harding talks a lot about the importance of story and encouraging youth to seek out the wisdom of elders, all in the goal of creating the "beloved community" that Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke so often of. You can get it on iTunes, or at http://being.publicradio.org/programs/2011/civility-history-hope/ . There were a couple of specific things that really stood out to me:
:: We are absolutely amateurs at this matter of building a democratic nation made up of many, many peoples, of many kinds, from many connections and convictions and from many experiences. And to know how, after all the pain that we have caused each other, to carry on democratic conversation that in a sense invites us to hear each other's best arguments and best contributions so that we can then figure out how do we put these things together to create a more perfect union.
:: [On comparing the political climate of the 1960's and today] My sense is that, in the '60s, there was probably a larger kind of canopy of hope that we could see and we could identify and that people could name and focus on. Now we are in particular spots, locations, sometimes seemingly isolated, but I feel that there are points, focal situations, where that is still available and where people are operating from that.
So I think that it is not simply the matter of hope or no hope. I have a feeling that one of the deeper transformations that's going on now is that for the white community of America, there is this uncertainty growing about its own role, its own control, its own capacity to name the realities, that it has moved into a realm of uncertainty that it did not allow itself to face before.
And I think that that's the place that we are in and that's even more the reason why we've got to figure out what was King talking about when he was seeing the possibility of a beloved community and recognized that maybe for some of us that cannot come until some of us realize that we must give up what we thought was only ours in the building of a beloved nation. Can there be a beloved nation? Why don't we try and see?
Mmmm. Especially that last paragraph. "We must give up what we thought was only ours in the building of a beloved nation."
This struck me as being about so much more than race, and so much more than just a renewing of civility in America. This is Kingdom work. I am encouraged to know many Christians who are doing this with their lives, and hope and pray pray pray that more will join.
(This post serves both as a pondering point and as a recommendation for several new podcasts. Happy listening!)
One of the ways my nerdiness manifests itself is through listening to podcasts. And I listen to a LOT of podcasts. I love it! I've got some British humor (The Bugle and The Ricky Gervais Podcast), some politics (NPR: It's All Politics and Meet the Press), some economics (Freakonomics and NPR: Planet Money), some culture (Relevant Podcast and NPR: All Songs Considered), some religion (Tony Campolo Podcast and On Being with Krista Tippett [Relevant fits here too]), and even some general miscellany (Stuff You Should Know, This American Life, WNYC's Radiolab, and The Moth). I even listen to debates (Intelligence Squared UK and Intelligence Squared US)! And they are all amazing!
(Before you worry that I spend all of my time glued to my iPod, I pick and choose episodes of a few of these. I do have a life. Unfortunately.)
So today I was listening to On Being with Krista Tippett (formerly Speaking of Faith, for all of my fellow NPR nerds out there) and she was conducting an interview with Civil Rights leader Dr. Vincent Harding. The title of the show was "Civility, History, and Hope", which immediately intrigued me because this is something that I have been really concerned about in this current political climate. It is really sad to me to see people who claim to be followers of Christ who are so vitriolic and spew such hatred for our elected leaders. I get not being happy with what is happening. I get wanting someone to not hold an office. I get even passionately opposing someone's views. But what I do not get is the rage and the personal attacks against individuals, specifically the President. I am living at the moment in a bastion of conservatism, so I hear a lot of flat out crazy and mean things. Stuff I would never ever allow a kid in my classroom to say about another kid, so why should we be saying it about the President? Last time I read through the red letters in the Bible, Jesus never bashed the authorities (who he KNEW WERE GOING TO KILL HIM) or compared anyone to Hitler. If you are so mad about it, pray pray pray for him, not just at him. It is amazing how God softens your heart when you pray for someone.
Wow, did not mean to go on a rant there. Sorry!
Anyway, this episode was great. If you have some free time, or need something to listen to while you drive, this is a worthy download. Dr. Harding talks a lot about the importance of story and encouraging youth to seek out the wisdom of elders, all in the goal of creating the "beloved community" that Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke so often of. You can get it on iTunes, or at http://being.publicradio.org/programs/2011/civility-history-hope/ . There were a couple of specific things that really stood out to me:
:: We are absolutely amateurs at this matter of building a democratic nation made up of many, many peoples, of many kinds, from many connections and convictions and from many experiences. And to know how, after all the pain that we have caused each other, to carry on democratic conversation that in a sense invites us to hear each other's best arguments and best contributions so that we can then figure out how do we put these things together to create a more perfect union.
:: [On comparing the political climate of the 1960's and today] My sense is that, in the '60s, there was probably a larger kind of canopy of hope that we could see and we could identify and that people could name and focus on. Now we are in particular spots, locations, sometimes seemingly isolated, but I feel that there are points, focal situations, where that is still available and where people are operating from that.
So I think that it is not simply the matter of hope or no hope. I have a feeling that one of the deeper transformations that's going on now is that for the white community of America, there is this uncertainty growing about its own role, its own control, its own capacity to name the realities, that it has moved into a realm of uncertainty that it did not allow itself to face before.
And I think that that's the place that we are in and that's even more the reason why we've got to figure out what was King talking about when he was seeing the possibility of a beloved community and recognized that maybe for some of us that cannot come until some of us realize that we must give up what we thought was only ours in the building of a beloved nation. Can there be a beloved nation? Why don't we try and see?
Mmmm. Especially that last paragraph. "We must give up what we thought was only ours in the building of a beloved nation."
This struck me as being about so much more than race, and so much more than just a renewing of civility in America. This is Kingdom work. I am encouraged to know many Christians who are doing this with their lives, and hope and pray pray pray that more will join.
(This post serves both as a pondering point and as a recommendation for several new podcasts. Happy listening!)
Friday, February 11, 2011
EEP! And a Review.
So, I take the LSAT tomorrow morning. EEP! Please pray for me, as I am unusually nervous. I think I will do alright, but there really isn't a second chance.
Also, I read a book recently that I think more people should read. Here are the details:
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
Author: Rebecca Skloot
Summary from Amazon.com:
From a single, abbreviated life grew a seemingly immortal line of cells that made some of the most crucial innovations in modern science possible. And from that same life, and those cells, Rebecca Skloot has fashioned in The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks a fascinating and moving story of medicine and family, of how life is sustained in laboratories and in memory. Henrietta Lacks was a mother of five in Baltimore, a poor African American migrant from the tobacco farms of Virginia, who died from a cruelly aggressive cancer at the age of 30 in 1951. A sample of her cancerous tissue, taken without her knowledge or consent, as was the custom then, turned out to provide one of the holy grails of mid-century biology: human cells that could survive--even thrive--in the lab. Known as HeLa cells, their stunning potency gave scientists a building block for countless breakthroughs, beginning with the cure for polio. Meanwhile, Henrietta's family continued to live in poverty and frequently poor health, and their discovery decades later of her unknowing contribution--and her cells' strange survival--left them full of pride, anger, and suspicion. For a decade, Skloot doggedly but compassionately gathered the threads of these stories, slowly gaining the trust of the family while helping them learn the truth about Henrietta, and with their aid she tells a rich and haunting story that asks the questions, Who owns our bodies? And who carries our memories?
My Thoughts:
I know that is a long summary, but this book deserves it. It has been on several top book lists, and I found it on the NPR website. This book is INCREDIBLE. I found myself shocked and horrified and laughing all in the span of a few pages. Don't be intimidated by the Science speech- Skloot writes in a clear, descriptive prose that is beautiful and heartbreaking. I even cried towards the end! Skloot touches on issues of poverty, education, and racial justice. More than being about the HeLa cells, this is a book about a family, and ultimately about the very nature of humanity. Relevant Magazine's review sums it up.
In short, you should all read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks! You will not be disappointed! :)
Also, I read a book recently that I think more people should read. Here are the details:
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
Author: Rebecca Skloot
Summary from Amazon.com:
From a single, abbreviated life grew a seemingly immortal line of cells that made some of the most crucial innovations in modern science possible. And from that same life, and those cells, Rebecca Skloot has fashioned in The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks a fascinating and moving story of medicine and family, of how life is sustained in laboratories and in memory. Henrietta Lacks was a mother of five in Baltimore, a poor African American migrant from the tobacco farms of Virginia, who died from a cruelly aggressive cancer at the age of 30 in 1951. A sample of her cancerous tissue, taken without her knowledge or consent, as was the custom then, turned out to provide one of the holy grails of mid-century biology: human cells that could survive--even thrive--in the lab. Known as HeLa cells, their stunning potency gave scientists a building block for countless breakthroughs, beginning with the cure for polio. Meanwhile, Henrietta's family continued to live in poverty and frequently poor health, and their discovery decades later of her unknowing contribution--and her cells' strange survival--left them full of pride, anger, and suspicion. For a decade, Skloot doggedly but compassionately gathered the threads of these stories, slowly gaining the trust of the family while helping them learn the truth about Henrietta, and with their aid she tells a rich and haunting story that asks the questions, Who owns our bodies? And who carries our memories?
My Thoughts:
I know that is a long summary, but this book deserves it. It has been on several top book lists, and I found it on the NPR website. This book is INCREDIBLE. I found myself shocked and horrified and laughing all in the span of a few pages. Don't be intimidated by the Science speech- Skloot writes in a clear, descriptive prose that is beautiful and heartbreaking. I even cried towards the end! Skloot touches on issues of poverty, education, and racial justice. More than being about the HeLa cells, this is a book about a family, and ultimately about the very nature of humanity. Relevant Magazine's review sums it up.
In short, you should all read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks! You will not be disappointed! :)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
In the year 2000...
(For those in the know, the title is a reference to one of my favorite Conan skits. Youtube it. Hilarious.)
Onward and upward we go. First, some background.
So most of you probably know that for a while, I was hoping/ planning on getting my Master's in Public Policy from the University of Minnesota. I visited, took a prereq Economics class, and was making the plans to move. Through my cousins, I got a job interview with Campus Crusade, and my plan was to move, work for the year, and then start school this fall. I was super pumped!
Well, I didn't get the job. And the whole thing was more than a little shady. And all of my desire to go to MN just vanished. I once again found myself floundering.
Right about this time, the Sivyers were in Nashville for Steve's sister's wedding, so I went over and hung out a couple of days. (As an aside, let me just say that it was GLORIOUS. I can't express in words how desperately I miss them!) At one point, Steve was asking me what was happening with school and he said "What exactly is your goal with all of this? What are you wanting to do?"
That, my friends, is the question of the year. Because... I am not quite sure. I do know that I want to work somewhere in the public service/ non-profit world. I do know that I am really interested specifically in how the church interacts with social justice issues, along with secular institutions. I do know that when I have worked in these areas (Brussels, Port-au-Prince), I have been encouraged and passionate and felt that my strengths are an asset. I also know that I am keenly aware and interested in slavery/ human trafficking. There's gotta be a career in all that jumble, right?
So then Steve said, "Why don't you go to law school?"
HELLO!!! How had I not thought of this before? For anyone wanting to go into any kind of public service job, law is a great general degree. Steve is a man of many opinions and suggestions, some of which are crazy :), but this one hit the head right on the mark. I started researching and found several programs where I could, in 4 years instead of 5, get a law degree as well as a Master's in areas like Public Administration, International Relations, etc, which would be of use since I am wanting to work with international organizations.
So I am taking the LSAT on Saturday. Yipes! I have been studying, and feel ok about it, but STILL. It is only offered 4 times a year, so if I don't do well on this one, I won't be able to start in the fall. NO PRESSURE, SARAH.
I am looking specifically at three schools. In no particular order:
1)
2)
3)
These are not set in stone, however. I get emails from law schools all over daily, and I have been checking them out. So we will see!!
Please pray for me as I move through this process. I am super nervous about it, and my default when I get that way is to be stagnant and do nothing, which really doesn't help anything. I am eager to see where I end up this fall!
Onward and upward we go. First, some background.
So most of you probably know that for a while, I was hoping/ planning on getting my Master's in Public Policy from the University of Minnesota. I visited, took a prereq Economics class, and was making the plans to move. Through my cousins, I got a job interview with Campus Crusade, and my plan was to move, work for the year, and then start school this fall. I was super pumped!
Well, I didn't get the job. And the whole thing was more than a little shady. And all of my desire to go to MN just vanished. I once again found myself floundering.
Right about this time, the Sivyers were in Nashville for Steve's sister's wedding, so I went over and hung out a couple of days. (As an aside, let me just say that it was GLORIOUS. I can't express in words how desperately I miss them!) At one point, Steve was asking me what was happening with school and he said "What exactly is your goal with all of this? What are you wanting to do?"
That, my friends, is the question of the year. Because... I am not quite sure. I do know that I want to work somewhere in the public service/ non-profit world. I do know that I am really interested specifically in how the church interacts with social justice issues, along with secular institutions. I do know that when I have worked in these areas (Brussels, Port-au-Prince), I have been encouraged and passionate and felt that my strengths are an asset. I also know that I am keenly aware and interested in slavery/ human trafficking. There's gotta be a career in all that jumble, right?
So then Steve said, "Why don't you go to law school?"
HELLO!!! How had I not thought of this before? For anyone wanting to go into any kind of public service job, law is a great general degree. Steve is a man of many opinions and suggestions, some of which are crazy :), but this one hit the head right on the mark. I started researching and found several programs where I could, in 4 years instead of 5, get a law degree as well as a Master's in areas like Public Administration, International Relations, etc, which would be of use since I am wanting to work with international organizations.
So I am taking the LSAT on Saturday. Yipes! I have been studying, and feel ok about it, but STILL. It is only offered 4 times a year, so if I don't do well on this one, I won't be able to start in the fall. NO PRESSURE, SARAH.
I am looking specifically at three schools. In no particular order:
1)
2)
3)
These are not set in stone, however. I get emails from law schools all over daily, and I have been checking them out. So we will see!!
Please pray for me as I move through this process. I am super nervous about it, and my default when I get that way is to be stagnant and do nothing, which really doesn't help anything. I am eager to see where I end up this fall!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Devotion
I get a short devotional from Relevant Magazine every morning, and it is incredible to me how so many of them speak to my exact situation at present. This is this morning's, and I am thankful for it:
The Somber Side of Passion
By Winn Collier
FRANKLY, I'M TIRED OF the word passion. It's a good word, a zesty word. It hints of a fire in the belly, an eagerness and an excitement that sends shivers up the spine. The problem is that it's lopsided. To be passionate, it would seem, is to tingle with anticipation (always), to possess a rapid-beating heart and a wild-eyed exuberance (always). It's the spiritual life on caffeine.
I wonder if spiritual passion could embrace more subtleties and other seasons that would give us a fuller appreciation for the spiritually awakened soul.
Jesus suggested as much. "When you are at the end of your rope ... When you feel you've lost what is most dear to you ... When you are torn apart with hunger ..."—these are times Jesus says the life of God can take deep root (Matthew 5:1-6). These are times when desire for God, passion if you will, can take on fresh flame.
Jesus was speaking to the weary, the broken, the tired. He did not challenge them to move past their despair, to cheer up with some attempt to view the silver lining in their dark cloud. He encouraged them to embrace their disillusionment, to own their dark place—and find God in it.
The Somber Side of Passion
By Winn Collier
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:30-31 TNIV
FRANKLY, I'M TIRED OF the word passion. It's a good word, a zesty word. It hints of a fire in the belly, an eagerness and an excitement that sends shivers up the spine. The problem is that it's lopsided. To be passionate, it would seem, is to tingle with anticipation (always), to possess a rapid-beating heart and a wild-eyed exuberance (always). It's the spiritual life on caffeine.
I wonder if spiritual passion could embrace more subtleties and other seasons that would give us a fuller appreciation for the spiritually awakened soul.
Jesus suggested as much. "When you are at the end of your rope ... When you feel you've lost what is most dear to you ... When you are torn apart with hunger ..."—these are times Jesus says the life of God can take deep root (Matthew 5:1-6). These are times when desire for God, passion if you will, can take on fresh flame.
Jesus was speaking to the weary, the broken, the tired. He did not challenge them to move past their despair, to cheer up with some attempt to view the silver lining in their dark cloud. He encouraged them to embrace their disillusionment, to own their dark place—and find God in it.
What does your spiritual passion look like without the emotional hype or intensity?
Prayer Needed!
A couple of prayer points:
And this is the reason we do what we do and pray what we pray:
- Buckets. So I mentioned a few posts ago that we had gotten the government to streamline the paper process. While this is true, it is still just one step in the process. The government accepts our paperwork, and then still sits on the containers. Like many third-world countries, one of the hallmarks of bureaucracy here is the bribe system, and we have already paid out almost $60,000 in bribes alone to various government officials. We received a letter today from one of our shipping companies that if we do not also have the rest of their containers empty by the end of next week, they will destroy the contents. Please please please pray that the government will release the containers filled with Buckets of Hope. Pray that God will reach out and grab and change the hearts of those who are essentially stealing from Him. Pray for those who are in desperate need of provisions, especially in light of the next prayer point...
- We have another storm system, yet unnamed, forming off of the coast of South America. Most projected paths have it coming straight over the island of Hispanola. Since you guys prayed Gaston away, I figure you can disperse this one as well. :) Almost a million people still live in tents here in the Port-au-Prince area. Many of them do not have to, but they have learned that if they stay in the tents, relief agencies will provide for them. In fact, some only come to the tents when they hear that food is coming. For these people, a storm might actually push them back to self-reliance, which is needed. But for more people, the tents are their only option. For them, a major storm would be even more life-threatening than normal. There are no hurricane shelters here. Please pray that the storm will not cause lethal damage here in Haiti. Pray that those people who are taking advantage of the system will return home and allow relief to flow to those who so desperately need it. Pray especially for the children, who have no choice about where they go.
And this is the reason we do what we do and pray what we pray:
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Ready. Also not.
So I am feeling pretty ready to come home. I just don't know that I am ready for what is facing me.
As of now, the plan is for me to move to Tennessee to live with my parents for a few months when I return. When I agreed to come back to Haiti, I knew this was a strong possibility, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen. Not that I don't love you, Mom. :) I just love St. Augustine and my family there so much.
Some people may not know the back story- I have been feeling led for a while to go back to graduate school. Specifically I am looking at a Masters in Public Policy at the University of Minnesota. I would go for a concentration in Nonprofit Leadership and Global Policy. Being here in Haiti working in the administrative side of the ministry has reaffirmed these desires. As frustrating as dealing with the Haitian government and other NGOs is, I love it, and especially love being able to see the results of our work.
For example, the scary Buckets of Hope paperwork. It is complicated, and detailed, and has to be done a very specific way. But we were able to convince the Haitian government officials to streamline the process, and in the past few days we have had 18 containers freed and distributed! Friday I finished the paperwork for 25 more, then Saturday 6 more, and now I have one more in the works. Praise God! This is the kind of thing that actually makes me feel like I have accomplished something.
So back to the future- I really feel strongly that I want to go to grad school in the most fiscally responsible way possible. My goal is to work in the nonprofit/ministry world afterwards, which will mean no money. Which is fine, but I don't want to leave school drowning in loans that will not allow me to take whatever opportunity God has for me. And as much as I loved teaching, I simply was not making enough money at my private school job to cover my bills and save. So I quit, trusting that God would provide.
I had a couple of public school interviews, but nothing worked out. I could probably find a job in St. Augustine to pay my bills, but the goal for this year is to be able to save save save. The most practical way to do that would be to be in a place where I don't have to pay any bills. Which means back with the folks. There are lots of job opportunities in the Pigeon Forge area, and because I will have almost no expenses I can take a job that pays less and still put away quite a bit.
Although this makes perfect rational sense, my heart is heavy. Especially since I feel like I have had to make all of these big decisions so far away. I was really hoping for something to open up in FL, but at this point it does not look like that will happen. I am feeling rushed into this, and like I am not going to have time to adequately close the most incredible chapter of my life.
I have two more weeks here, and am trying my best to savor the rest of my experience. But I am so tired- there are no days off when you live at the office. And Mike, who has absolutely been my SANITY, is leaving on Wednesday to go back to Colorado. :( As good as the food is, I am very ready for something different. Salads! Dairy! Fresh vegetables! Chickfila!
So that is what is going through my mind at the moment. It is also what is keeping me up at night. Sorry if this was rambly. :) If I may be so bold and selfish, I would ask that you would pray that I will have peace, and that God's will for my life would be evident. (You can also pray that it will keep me in St. Augustine another year. I know I am.)
I just don't think I am ready to leave my favorite boys:
As of now, the plan is for me to move to Tennessee to live with my parents for a few months when I return. When I agreed to come back to Haiti, I knew this was a strong possibility, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen. Not that I don't love you, Mom. :) I just love St. Augustine and my family there so much.
Some people may not know the back story- I have been feeling led for a while to go back to graduate school. Specifically I am looking at a Masters in Public Policy at the University of Minnesota. I would go for a concentration in Nonprofit Leadership and Global Policy. Being here in Haiti working in the administrative side of the ministry has reaffirmed these desires. As frustrating as dealing with the Haitian government and other NGOs is, I love it, and especially love being able to see the results of our work.
For example, the scary Buckets of Hope paperwork. It is complicated, and detailed, and has to be done a very specific way. But we were able to convince the Haitian government officials to streamline the process, and in the past few days we have had 18 containers freed and distributed! Friday I finished the paperwork for 25 more, then Saturday 6 more, and now I have one more in the works. Praise God! This is the kind of thing that actually makes me feel like I have accomplished something.
So back to the future- I really feel strongly that I want to go to grad school in the most fiscally responsible way possible. My goal is to work in the nonprofit/ministry world afterwards, which will mean no money. Which is fine, but I don't want to leave school drowning in loans that will not allow me to take whatever opportunity God has for me. And as much as I loved teaching, I simply was not making enough money at my private school job to cover my bills and save. So I quit, trusting that God would provide.
I had a couple of public school interviews, but nothing worked out. I could probably find a job in St. Augustine to pay my bills, but the goal for this year is to be able to save save save. The most practical way to do that would be to be in a place where I don't have to pay any bills. Which means back with the folks. There are lots of job opportunities in the Pigeon Forge area, and because I will have almost no expenses I can take a job that pays less and still put away quite a bit.
Although this makes perfect rational sense, my heart is heavy. Especially since I feel like I have had to make all of these big decisions so far away. I was really hoping for something to open up in FL, but at this point it does not look like that will happen. I am feeling rushed into this, and like I am not going to have time to adequately close the most incredible chapter of my life.
I have two more weeks here, and am trying my best to savor the rest of my experience. But I am so tired- there are no days off when you live at the office. And Mike, who has absolutely been my SANITY, is leaving on Wednesday to go back to Colorado. :( As good as the food is, I am very ready for something different. Salads! Dairy! Fresh vegetables! Chickfila!
So that is what is going through my mind at the moment. It is also what is keeping me up at night. Sorry if this was rambly. :) If I may be so bold and selfish, I would ask that you would pray that I will have peace, and that God's will for my life would be evident. (You can also pray that it will keep me in St. Augustine another year. I know I am.)
I just don't think I am ready to leave my favorite boys:
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Prison
Last time I was in Haiti, Kim and I visited a women's prison in an area of Port-au-Prince called Petion-ville. Having grown up with a Dad who was in and out of prison for 20 years (to use one of his favorite jokes- haha), it was particularly moving to me. The warden is a Christian, and asked for lots of prayer. What she told us about the women was shocking:
This week we have had several containers of Buckets of Hope released from customs, and I was authorized to take 300 to the prison. So we set it up with the warden, I grabbed the Kentucky ministry team, and we headed out.
This time was really really intense. While the guys unloaded the Buckets from the truck, the ladies and translators and I were actually let into the cell block, which we were not allowed to do on any of my other trips. We walked from door to door, peering in the bars and greeting the women. It was appaling. In rooms approximately 10x10, and most probably smaller than that, 12-16 women were housed. Some rooms were slightly larger, and one had 27 women living there! The halls were filthy, and the rooms were absolutely disgusting. I had to step over several rat traps. (Luckily, none had rats in them!)
I approached each door and told them that my name was Sarah, I was here from America to tell them that Jesus loves them and I love them and that they are not forgotten. They are special and God has a plan for their life. The women were very attentive and smiled and laughed at my Creole attempts. I told them "God bless you" in Creole, and they all said "Amen!" and repeated it back to me. Going from room to room and seeing the same thing over and over was overwhelming. I had to make a concerted effort not to cry. I thought of how ridiculous it was for the white girl to cry when these women were living this reality day to day.
The prisoners can't use all the stuff in the Buckets- the rice and spaghetti for example- so those items headed back to the kitchen. We stacked the peanut butter and sugar, and then they brought out the women one cell at a time and we handed them the food and gave them a tract. I made eye contact with every woman and told her God Bless You in Creole. Almost all of the women looked back and smiled, and only a few didn't. They will receive the buckets themselves later, which will help with protecting their food and valuables.
What was really interesting was to see the reaction of our Haitian workers. We had a couple of translators and security guards, and they were all nervous about going there. Antonio, a translator, said that he never wanted to come back, and that he was ashamed that his people were doing this to their own people. Fennel, our security guard, stood behind me while we gave out the food. He kept saying "This is so sad" and "I am going to go home and hug my wife so many times." He actually knew one of the women- apparently her husband died with unpaid debts, so she was arrested. He said, "Sarah. She has 10 kids at home. What are they doing without her?" We were standing with our backs to one of the rooms, and it had windows in the wall (bricks designed with holes in them so that you don't have to buy glass), and Fennel said "Turn around and look- they are reading the Gospel to each other.) And sure enough, one woman was standing in the middle of the cell reading the tract, and the rest were listening intently and looking through theirs.
I know this is a lot of typing, but it was probably one of the most heart-wrenching and beautiful experiences that I have ever had. As I have been reading and thinking and praying about justice and what it means and how it works in the Kingdom of God for a few years now, it was so overwhelming to be in a place where there is literally no justice. One of the Kentucky women remarked that in the U.S., people would be arrested for keeping their dogs in conditions like these women were in. And it is true. And it is terrible.
I prayed for God to put a word on my heart for these ladies, and this is where He led me. It is excerpts, as I don't know what background they have in Scripture and I didn't want to confuse them. So it comes from Isaiah 43:1-7 ish, and it is my prayer that these women will know this in their souls and feel it in their hearts:
We weren't allowed to take pictures in the cell blocks, but the guys got a couple unloading the truck:
- Out of the approximately 280 women held there, only 25 have been through the legal system. The rest are caught in a legal limbo, as the justice buildings all collapsed in the earthquake and no records are kept electronically.
- Most are being charged with kidnapping or violent crime. However, if a woman is being beat by her husband and tries to flee with her kids and he reports her, that is violent crime. If a woman is being raped and fights back, that is violent crime.
- The warden said that she would not be surprised if up to 70% of the women jailed in her institution are innocent.
- Because of the circumstances that brought them to prison, many enter pregnant. They are allowed to keep their babies for 3 months, then a family member has to come take them. If there are not available family, the child is taken to an orphanage.
This week we have had several containers of Buckets of Hope released from customs, and I was authorized to take 300 to the prison. So we set it up with the warden, I grabbed the Kentucky ministry team, and we headed out.
This time was really really intense. While the guys unloaded the Buckets from the truck, the ladies and translators and I were actually let into the cell block, which we were not allowed to do on any of my other trips. We walked from door to door, peering in the bars and greeting the women. It was appaling. In rooms approximately 10x10, and most probably smaller than that, 12-16 women were housed. Some rooms were slightly larger, and one had 27 women living there! The halls were filthy, and the rooms were absolutely disgusting. I had to step over several rat traps. (Luckily, none had rats in them!)
I approached each door and told them that my name was Sarah, I was here from America to tell them that Jesus loves them and I love them and that they are not forgotten. They are special and God has a plan for their life. The women were very attentive and smiled and laughed at my Creole attempts. I told them "God bless you" in Creole, and they all said "Amen!" and repeated it back to me. Going from room to room and seeing the same thing over and over was overwhelming. I had to make a concerted effort not to cry. I thought of how ridiculous it was for the white girl to cry when these women were living this reality day to day.
The prisoners can't use all the stuff in the Buckets- the rice and spaghetti for example- so those items headed back to the kitchen. We stacked the peanut butter and sugar, and then they brought out the women one cell at a time and we handed them the food and gave them a tract. I made eye contact with every woman and told her God Bless You in Creole. Almost all of the women looked back and smiled, and only a few didn't. They will receive the buckets themselves later, which will help with protecting their food and valuables.
What was really interesting was to see the reaction of our Haitian workers. We had a couple of translators and security guards, and they were all nervous about going there. Antonio, a translator, said that he never wanted to come back, and that he was ashamed that his people were doing this to their own people. Fennel, our security guard, stood behind me while we gave out the food. He kept saying "This is so sad" and "I am going to go home and hug my wife so many times." He actually knew one of the women- apparently her husband died with unpaid debts, so she was arrested. He said, "Sarah. She has 10 kids at home. What are they doing without her?" We were standing with our backs to one of the rooms, and it had windows in the wall (bricks designed with holes in them so that you don't have to buy glass), and Fennel said "Turn around and look- they are reading the Gospel to each other.) And sure enough, one woman was standing in the middle of the cell reading the tract, and the rest were listening intently and looking through theirs.
I know this is a lot of typing, but it was probably one of the most heart-wrenching and beautiful experiences that I have ever had. As I have been reading and thinking and praying about justice and what it means and how it works in the Kingdom of God for a few years now, it was so overwhelming to be in a place where there is literally no justice. One of the Kentucky women remarked that in the U.S., people would be arrested for keeping their dogs in conditions like these women were in. And it is true. And it is terrible.
I prayed for God to put a word on my heart for these ladies, and this is where He led me. It is excerpts, as I don't know what background they have in Scripture and I didn't want to confuse them. So it comes from Isaiah 43:1-7 ish, and it is my prayer that these women will know this in their souls and feel it in their hearts:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One, your Savior.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
We weren't allowed to take pictures in the cell blocks, but the guys got a couple unloading the truck:
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Quiet
I had a quiet day today. There was little activity in the house, and my soul was still. It was good. I needed it.
There is a lot of scary stuff waiting for me when I get home. Some of it followed me here- blast paying bills online! I have no idea what is going to happen in the next two months. But whatever it is, it is going to be big and life-changing. And scary.
As I sat tonight on the porch reading Les Miserables and listening to the chanting and drums of the Voodoo house behind me, I was overcome with this seemingly random direction my life has taken. When 2010 began, I had a job and health insurance and security. Not anymore. There are a few opportunities on the horizon, but nothing I can do about them at the moment.
But God is faithful. I have to trust and believe and hope in this. Tomorrow I will be spending the day at a VBS for street kids here in Port-au-Prince. I cannot even begin to imagine what it is like to live their lives. I know that even when I feel lost, I am rooted in a family (both by name and by church) that will provide. I know that I will never be homeless, I will never be hungry, and I will never go without. These kids are all three. And they are living in a land where darkness is around every corner, ready to devour them.
As I am praying about my future, please join me in prayer for theirs. Pray that this time of VBS, which Pastor Joe does quarterly, will be a time where they can let down their guard and just be kids. Pray for their physical health, that they will have food to eat, cool water to drink, and that sickness and injury will not come. Pray that they will somehow get an education, the key to releasing themselves from poverty. Pray that they will take comfort in serving the Lord, not simply appeasing the Voodoo spirits. Pray that they will be loved and cherished. That's my goal for tomorrow. To completely empty myself of all of the love that has ever been given to me. Love that all of you have been a part of!
I don't mean to get all preachy. This is sounding almost like a prayer walk story. :) It's just that this quiet day has given me an opportunity to ponder and pray.
Look for pictures tomorrow!
There is a lot of scary stuff waiting for me when I get home. Some of it followed me here- blast paying bills online! I have no idea what is going to happen in the next two months. But whatever it is, it is going to be big and life-changing. And scary.
As I sat tonight on the porch reading Les Miserables and listening to the chanting and drums of the Voodoo house behind me, I was overcome with this seemingly random direction my life has taken. When 2010 began, I had a job and health insurance and security. Not anymore. There are a few opportunities on the horizon, but nothing I can do about them at the moment.
But God is faithful. I have to trust and believe and hope in this. Tomorrow I will be spending the day at a VBS for street kids here in Port-au-Prince. I cannot even begin to imagine what it is like to live their lives. I know that even when I feel lost, I am rooted in a family (both by name and by church) that will provide. I know that I will never be homeless, I will never be hungry, and I will never go without. These kids are all three. And they are living in a land where darkness is around every corner, ready to devour them.
As I am praying about my future, please join me in prayer for theirs. Pray that this time of VBS, which Pastor Joe does quarterly, will be a time where they can let down their guard and just be kids. Pray for their physical health, that they will have food to eat, cool water to drink, and that sickness and injury will not come. Pray that they will somehow get an education, the key to releasing themselves from poverty. Pray that they will take comfort in serving the Lord, not simply appeasing the Voodoo spirits. Pray that they will be loved and cherished. That's my goal for tomorrow. To completely empty myself of all of the love that has ever been given to me. Love that all of you have been a part of!
I don't mean to get all preachy. This is sounding almost like a prayer walk story. :) It's just that this quiet day has given me an opportunity to ponder and pray.
Look for pictures tomorrow!
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