Ready. Also not.

So I am feeling pretty ready to come home. I just don't know that I am ready for what is facing me.

As of now, the plan is for me to move to Tennessee to live with my parents for a few months when I return. When I agreed to come back to Haiti, I knew this was a strong possibility, but I was hoping that it wouldn't happen. Not that I don't love you, Mom. :) I just love St. Augustine and my family there so much.

Some people may not know the back story- I have been feeling led for a while to go back to graduate school. Specifically I am looking at a Masters in Public Policy at the University of Minnesota. I would go for a concentration in Nonprofit Leadership and Global Policy. Being here in Haiti working in the administrative side of the ministry has reaffirmed these desires. As frustrating as dealing with the Haitian government and other NGOs is, I love it, and especially love being able to see the results of our work.

For example, the scary Buckets of Hope paperwork. It is complicated, and detailed, and has to be done a very specific way. But we were able to convince the Haitian government officials to streamline the process, and in the past few days we have had 18 containers freed and distributed! Friday I finished the paperwork for 25 more, then Saturday 6 more, and now I have one more in the works. Praise God! This is the kind of thing that actually makes me feel like I have accomplished something.

So back to the future- I really feel strongly that I want to go to grad school in the most fiscally responsible way possible. My goal is to work in the nonprofit/ministry world afterwards, which will mean no money. Which is fine, but I don't want to leave school drowning in loans that will not allow me to take whatever opportunity God has for me. And as much as I loved teaching, I simply was not making enough money at my private school job to cover my bills and save. So I quit, trusting that God would provide.

I had a couple of public school interviews, but nothing worked out. I could probably find a job in St. Augustine to pay my bills, but the goal for this year is to be able to save save save. The most practical way to do that would be to be in a place where I don't have to pay any bills. Which means back with the folks. There are lots of job opportunities in the Pigeon Forge area, and because I will have almost no expenses I can take a job that pays less and still put away quite a bit.

Although this makes perfect rational sense, my heart is heavy. Especially since I feel like I have had to make all of these big decisions so far away. I was really hoping for something to open up in FL, but at this point it does not look like that will happen. I am feeling rushed into this, and like I am not going to have time to adequately close the most incredible chapter of my life.

I have two more weeks here, and am trying my best to savor the rest of my experience. But I am so tired- there are no days off when you live at the office. And Mike, who has absolutely been my SANITY, is leaving on Wednesday to go back to Colorado. :( As good as the food is, I am very ready for something different. Salads! Dairy! Fresh vegetables! Chickfila!

So that is what is going through my mind at the moment. It is also what is keeping  me up at night. Sorry if this was rambly. :) If I may be so bold and selfish, I would ask that you would pray that I will have peace, and that God's will for my life would be evident. (You can also pray that it will keep me in St. Augustine another year. I know I am.)

I just don't think I am ready to leave my favorite boys: